after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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