My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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