omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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