you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
