i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
