Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
