Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My penis needs a shock collar
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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