Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
my sisters under your porch take her home
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
