if you like me you must not know who I am
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
