i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
