Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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