so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
