woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
