I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
