Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dignity is for republicans.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
