I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize