remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
