I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
