you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
