Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
handjob tips. give me some.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
