Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
