Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
