D3 body, D1 cock
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
