Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
third nipple confirmed
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
