don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
