I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize