there's paper in my vomit.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
