i may or may not be watching the land before time
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
