ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
