If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
