can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
