You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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