i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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