Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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