Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
