Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She needs sedatives and a leash
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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