I wanna bring you to show and tell
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
