you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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