TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
