he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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