the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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