My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
