we have officially lost it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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