My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
