he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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