well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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