So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
