Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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