TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
