hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
