i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
