I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
