You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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