I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
