You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
