i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
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you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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