I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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