If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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