If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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