I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
