failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I know her cup size but not her name....
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