A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
