Swine flu. Run for my life!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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