His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
