well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
