While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
