i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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