she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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